I have always been anxious since I was a little girl. I put it down to my father, and that was confirmed recently from my family telling me so.
I was the second girl and he didn’t love me the same. I needed his love because I needed him so much. He only thought of my sister she was his two eyes. I don’t know if that started it off.
My sister has Schizophrenia and I have always helped her but dad made sure I was her carer even when she was grown with two kids. Everything that has happened to me has been stressful.
I got married and had two kids. I had a bad marriage, he drank. I divorced him after 16 years. We kept a fish shop for fourteen years and I worked there with mam and dad. My mam died at 59 with breast cancer, I nursed her. My dad died aged 83 of Cancer, again I nursed him.
So it was left to my sister’s daughter and me to look after my sister. When dad died he left everything to my sister and her family. I was left out. It didn’t worry me but perhaps it is there in my subconscious. Just over five years ago my niece had cancer; she died nearly two years ago. My sister went into a home. They started to mess around with her meds and she became very aggressive to me. That’s what started my breakdown.
My Grandson had Cancer removed from his privates. So all this was building up on me. My sister had a brief stint in hospital because she had Cancer of the bladder. She had an opp, went back to the home but now she is dying. Her son used to be a marvellous athlete but had a stroke when he found out his mam had cancer.
I have a partner of 40years. His son committed suicide. We are looking after his mam who is 94 and she wants us to take here everywhere.
I feel terrible now and I don’t want to wake up in the morning. I have anxiety in my chest and I can’t stop it. I’m on a short course Diazepam, but my tummy is like a thousand butterflies flying round. I’m weepy all the time, since last Christmas I’ve really gone down hill.
I told my dr. and I said I want to see a psychiatrist. I have an appointment in January for one of the courses. I spoke to my councillor and he gave me an appointment. I need someone now. He gave me the number for the crisis team.
I have previously attended four courses but they were not helpful. I have this appointment in January to do more courses at Llwynapia hospital.
I have attended New Horizons once before and I made cards which was nice.